Yves Gashugi 
It’s possible that as you read this, you may have spoken about someone in a way that caused them pain. It’s even possible that I might have been mistaken and that you were hurt by others speaking about you. After being talked about—whether falsely or truthfully—how did you feel? It’s possible that this may have stirred up emotions that were dormant within you. Please bear with it!
A person speaks about another for two main reasons: first, to find relief for themselves, and second, to tarnish the other person’s reputation. Experts in psychology and human behavior say that before someone falls asleep or takes a nap, their thoughts often dwell on the person who has hurt them or someone they love. Who do you think about before you go to sleep? As a Christian, you might answer that you think about Jesus. Is that truly the case? Or do you also think about those who have wronged you?
As mentioned earlier, people speak about others either to find relief or to damage their reputation. As a counselor in emotional healing, I have met many people who talk about how they were wronged by others, and while most speak to heal their own wounds, some speak with the intention of harming others. Did you speak about someone to find relief, or did you do so to stir up animosity?
Recently, I told a friend that she had hurt me. She responded by saying she felt that no one had the authority to judge her and that she didn’t feel remorse, so there was no need for her to ask for forgiveness. Do you feel the same way? I was not pleased with her response, so I took time to pray for healing because forgiveness does not only free the person who has wronged you but also liberates the one who has been wronged. As author Lewis B. Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” I believe that many people who still carry emotional wounds are not hurting because they haven’t been asked for forgiveness but because they haven’t yet forgive.
As I prayed for God to heal my heart from the pain caused by my friend, I had a thought, which may have been inspired by God or may have been my own, but what I know is that it came to me during the prayer session. The thought was: “THINGS ARE NOT TRULY AN OFFENSE OR A SIN BECAUSE YOU HAVE A REMORSEFUL HEART AFTER DOING THEM.” When your heart does not judge you, do you not seek forgiveness? I remembered a preacher who taught in 2019 about how, when a person walks in darkness, the darkness eventually turns into light. I also realized that not having a heart that judges is a strategy of the enemy, Satan, to keep bitterness alive among believers, preventing them from seeking forgiveness from those they have wronged because they think, “There is no heart to judge me!”
It’s possible that you, while reading this, may still hold a grudge against someone who wronged you. Yet, the evil done to Joseph was turned into good by God (Genesis 42:51), and the suffering endured by Jesus brought freedom to those who believe in Him (Isaiah 53:5). You might argue that Jesus was God, but don’t overlook the Scriptures that call us to imitate Him as beloved children (Ephesians 5:1)!
In closing, I recall a day in 2019 when I was angry with a friend for wasting my time. We traveled for over three hours in silence, and after reaching our destination, she called to tell me she had a gift for me. However, since I refused to speak to her and appeared as though I was still angry, she chose to keep the gift. At that moment, I repented and regretted my actions because not forgiving led me to miss out on a gift. Bernard Meltzer also noted, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past—but you sure do change the future.”
Are you like those Jeremiah spoke of, who “speak peaceably with their neighbor with their mouth, but in their heart, they plan evil against him” (Jeremiah 9:7B)? If there is someone you are still holding a grudge against, forgive them as you have been forgiven, for complete forgiveness is possible in Jesus!
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